How do you deal with an unyielding customer with an idea fix about your service? How do you infuse some common sense in a situation that defies reason? Let me give you an example.

My name is Chris Standall, and I have more than ten years of carpet-cleaning experience working in Central and West London. It almost comes with the territory to deal with haughty customers who have very specific requests about their carpets, but most of the time, they are within the bounds of reason. Not so much a few weeks ago when I got a call from an address in Victoria. I could smell trouble the moment I picked up the phone – the woman on the line was doing her best impression of the Dowager Duchess from Downtown Abbey, her condescending voice instantly putting me off. But if I only worked for people I liked, I would have been out of a job long ago. So I listened to her politely without interruption, took her details, and scheduled an appointment for the next day.

If you have never been to Ecclestone Square in Victoria, it is the kind of central London residential area you would associate with old money. The prim colonnades flanking the front doors, the white-marbled facades of the terraced house overlooking the little park, and the expensive cars neatly parked in front – all screamed of wealth and understated power. And of a nice fat quote for me, all things considered.

I parked my minivan and headed for the front door. I couldn’t help but wonder if a butler or a maid would answer the door, but it was my customer herself – there was no mistaking her. She was wearing a casual but classy blouse and trousers, and you might have mistaken her for a regular middle-class woman. But the magnificent golden Rolex on her right wrist and the equally impressive diamond-incrusted bracelet on the left told me better.

“Pleased to meet you. My name is Anne Blake. Let me show you the problem with my living room carpet.” I had thought our first conversation might have been an act – people often try to sound more official on the phone than in real life. But the way she moved, carried herself and communicated immediately disabused me of that notion. Anne was obviously irritated that she had to deal with something as mundane as booking a carpet cleaner. Still not a big issue – I was quite used to people who thought what I did was a necessary nuisance.

Walking into the living room, I was not surprised to see a high-end Axminster carpet from their velvet collection – a top-of-the-line product you would not see in every home. Its light beige surface was in perfect condition except for the large circular stain next to the coffee table.

“My house assistant slipped the whole pot of coffee yesterday, and the stain has remained despite her efforts.” By her tone, I assumed Anne was not particularly impressed with the assistant’s efforts. “I assume you can deal with it more effectively.”

“Indeed, ma’am”, I responded solemnly, hardly suppressing my irony. However, Anne considered my response perfectly satisfactory and sat in one of the armchairs.

“I do have one additional condition. You see, I am a strong proponent of living green in every possible aspect. Is it possible to remove the stain using only natural-based materials and no chemicals whatsoever?”

Anne did not strike me as the kind of person who would try to pull a prank on me, so I had to assume she was serious. Green cleaning is one of the most absurd and ridiculous trends I have seen online. Of course, you can use natural materials like vinegar or essential oils for some lightweight tasks, or use enzymatic cleaners for organic stains, but the idea that you can employ them for every cleaning problem is preposterous. Naturally, I had to use a somewhat different language with my demanding customer.

“I am afraid that’s out of the question, Ma’am. I am a professional carpet cleaner, and I can only guarantee the quality of my service if I can use the full complement of tools at my disposal. Otherwise, I cannot take the job.”

I could see that my response shocked her. I realised her question was semi-rhetoric, and she expected a quick concurrence. “I would be more than happy to address all your doubts. I can assure you that all materials I use are perfectly health-safe. Besides, the procedure does not require any heavy detergents – a small amount of anti-stain foam I will fully extract during the steam washing. No residual chemicals on your carpets.”

That explanation seemed to assuage her anger a bit. She nodded her royal consent and stood up. “I will be in the study. How much time will it take?” I assured her it would not be more than an hour and rolled up my sleeves. The stain was relatively fresh, and I knew it would come off easily. I did use less stain remover than usual, then steam-washed the problematic area. The hot water extraction removed any trace of the coffee residue. I used a hot-air dryer, and fifty minutes after the start of the procedure, the carpet was back to perfect.

When Anne came back from the study, the first thing she did was to stare intently at the area around the coffee table. “You did an excellent job”, she conceded, then paused for a second. “But I am still not convinced you couldn’t have achieved it with natural products.”

“Let’s agree to disagree on that, ma’am”, I said cheerfully and handed her the bill. If life has taught me anything, it is not to argue with people who believe they are always correct.